Chokkklit Shop - August 07

August 07 - Chokkklit Shop

Chokklitsoul has some personal challenges to take care of, so she will not be the author of this month's Chokkklit Shop column, but will be back with her engaging perspective on relationships and love next month. The NottHeads staff has collectively jumped in to keep the conversation edgy, not Chokkklitsoul but we try!!

This month's column looks at how men and women use words to communicate different emotions or representations of the relationship status. When a man says "I'm not really looking for a relationship" should alarms go off in a woman head? Or is the woman thinking, I can change his mind about me and that relationship thing.

Chokkklit Shop August 07

Chokkklit Shop 07

The scenarios below are from real people that the staff gave as examples of modern day relationships. These scenarios are used as the backdrop for the female and male perspectives in this month's column.

1st Scenario

He said he didn't want a relationship when we first met, but we talk all the time, lunch together 2 times a week, then dinner and a movie on the weekends. So, what are we? He says "I told you from jump that I didn't want a relationship."

Wednesday, 01 August 2007 00:00

Chokkklit Shop 07

Listening to my girlfriends and trying to help them see the light about their relationships. Women don't know how to read men, they say one thing but their actions make us believe there is more.

Labels that women are comfortable with: talking, dating, going together, boyfriend, he's my man. Labels that guys use to describe whatever they won't call a relationship: friends with benefits, cut friends, just talking, pimpin', and kickin it'. All of these labels make the other sex uncomfortable. She is making more out of it than what's there, and he is minimizing what's really going on.

So, I'm asking a question that's probably been around forever. "Why are men so vague?" Why can't we put a label on whatever it is that's going on between us? Cause if we did, it would still mean one thing to them and something else to us (women). A label creates expectations, whether articulated or not.

Wednesday, 01 August 2007 00:00

Chokkklit Shop 07

You need to break your friend off

While I am no expert on women, I can say that I have had my share of success stories. Men tend to think with less emotion, but if you want us to be emotional, then we need to include that in our marketing plans.

The goal of most men is to hit it! Men are trying to figure out what it's gonna to take to get a woman's attention and then get her in bed. There is nothing wrong with the fact that both sexes are hard wired to be attracted to one another, speciation and procreation. As difficult as communication can be, as frustrating and trifling as the other sex can be with their attitude and ways; we all find ourselves looking for that "Right One". The "Right One" is that blend of eye candy, sex appeal and intellect.

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls, and the halls at work. Most we can’t see because we don’t know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn’t flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus. He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face. But, as you mature, you realize it’s better to find someone who’s got your back rather than someone who turns your head.

A good man doesn’t agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn’t declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc. he is (he won’t have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn’t have to degrade you to prove he’s right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.