Thursday, 01 November 2007 00:00

Chokkklit Shop - November 07

The best way to learn about how to have the greatest love story ever is to listen to how other happy couples do it. Study and learn...that's what my husband and I did.

• Practice good communication. Communication skills include considering the part you play in the problem, trying not to be defensive, and seeing the issue from your partner's perspective.
• Have realistic expectations for a long relationship. Realize that change involves ups and downs and appreciate the effect that major changes, such as having children, will have on your relationship.
• Make time for each other. Make regular dates, have fun together, and take every opportunity to be affectionate.
• Leave no doubt of your affection. In romances you'll notice how the main pursuer is usually always up front about their feelings. Never do they let them believe otherwise. Take a look at your relationship (or past ones). Does your partner really know exactly how you feel? When was the last time you told them why you loved them or showered them with unexpected attention for no reason? If it's been awhile... do it now!
• Value your relationship. Most fairy tales involve the characters going through a tremendous obstacle to actually be able to be together. Overcoming those obstacles teach the couple how valuable the relationship and each other are. In real life it is easy to forget how important your relationship actually is. It may not seem like you've overcome great feats to be together, but if you think about it you could be alone still searching for someone. Think about how you would feel or what you would do if for some reason you would never see your partner again after today. How would that affect you? Make an effort to show your partner how much you value them and your relationship.
• Defend and respect your partner. When watching or reading a romance you'll notice how the characters never disrespect each other. Also, if some injustice has occurred towards their partner they are the first to stand up for them. There is something in doing those two things that completely changes the dynamics of a relationship. Imagine how you would feel if you witnessed your partner defending you or speaking highly of you to someone else. Make it a point to be there for your partner when they need it most and to show how much you respect them.
• Don't evaluate or criticize your partner. If a character in a romance overly criticized or tried to change the other character, the romance would never take place. Why? Because no one wants to be reminded of their faults or shortcomings, especially from someone who is supposed to love them unconditionally. A relationship is a place where each partner can feel completely and totally free with each other without judgment. It should be a haven where you go when outside forces close in. The next time you feel the urge to say something that isn't positive towards your partner... don't. Accept them for who they are... completely.
• Don't let outside sources influence your relationship. The number one antagonist in a fairy tale is a third party trying to destroy a relationship. Many times it's not even intentional. Outside influences are one of the largest causes of strife in a relationship. Take a look at your relationship now. Is there anything you both frequently argue about? Chances are it's been caused by an outside influence. The next time you feel the need to criticize, judge or argue with your partner make sure it's actually something that originated from you. If someone tells you something about your partner, first check the validity of the source and then confront your partner in an adult manner. Don't first assume what the person said was true. This is trait is especially important when it comes to family members.
• Last, but definitely not least, don't do anything to cause a lack of affection from your partner. Not all fairy tales have a happy ending. When they don't it's almost always because one of the characters did something to make the other fall out of love with them. Your partner can only love you as much as you give reason for them to love you. Don't jeopardize your relationship by doing something you know will cause them to lose their trust, faith and/or love in you. It's not worth it... ever.

These three goals sound like such a simple recipe for living happily ever after, but they require something that many people forget: daily commitment. Daily Commitment Is a Privilege.